Up the Pineapple Tree

Smoke screens do not work if you are driving in reverse.

All this talk about what height a bar should be set at is making me thirsty.

I swear there was a girl here...

Words to live by.

I guess I could have pushed myself a little harder but was I gonna really take myself seriously this time.  Just the thought of some of the security guards I had seen trying to chase me was enough to make me want to get off of the treadmill and go grab a burger.  So a little part of me was vane.  Freagin sue me.  Being at the gym was kind of a stretch for me.  I mean I thought I looked good for a skinny kid with too much time on his hands.  So I would go to the gym at ridiculously early hours and call it being dedicated when in fact I just didn't want anybody seeing how much or rather how little weight I lifted.  I was not studious enough to be a nerd but not honest enough with myself to accept the label of Dork.

That morning was just like any other morning that month.  Wake up when it was dark or rather just not go to sleep n the first place.  Throw on some shorts and a shirt.  Drive to the gym.  I was starting to get bored with the routine.  Maybe today I should vary it a little.  I turned into a 24/7 diner I use to hang out at in high school.  The menu and the smell had not changed.  There was a huge difference that spooked me to say the least.  About 90% of the clientele this morning was the local police department's finest.
Was I insane?
just my luck.
I asked for a table near the back as was the habit from long ago.  While waiting for my pot of coffee and chicken-fried steak breakfast of champions I over heard the table of blue closest to me talking about a recent case and comparing it to an ongoing investigation surrounding the abduction of non other than Pinkey.
For sure my luck.
Who would have known that they counted the flock so often?
Needless to say that breakfast was done quickly and the bill paid on the way out.

Why was I so nervous?  There was not even a sketch of the perpetrator.

Was I being followed?

This is where the paranoia sets in.  I was questioning any and every little difference from one day to another.  Like when you cheated on a test in school and just knew you would get caught but never did and woke up in a cold sweat after watching a detective show and dreaming that your DNA would be matched to that found on a napkin found at the scene of the alleged purchase of said test answers.

Get a grip Nesto!  No need to answer those voices in your head.

There was no time for doubt.

Thank goodness for Tuesday night.  Just the thing I needed to calm my nerves.

After the usual phone calls and ATM visit I arrived at the saloon to find my comrades elated to see me after three weeks of not showing.  No questions were ever asked of where I had been or doing.  Simple acceptance was the code.  So I sat at the usual stool and sipped a can that should have been filled with motor oil based on its size.  The usual had never tasted so good.  After the mandatory two.  More money was placed in the jukebox after turning it off to erase all previous selections.  The bar seemed a little less crowded than usual and lent itself to more conversation.  After a couple games of pool and a few of darts it was time to call it a night...

Once home it was time to take stock of what I was embarking on.

Like a lemming asking for directions from a sloth I was off.

So many questions aside from the usual why and when.

 I needed to blow of steam and knew just the thing.
I did what any other normal human being would have done.
With a dozen eggs and a six pack I went into the backyard and lobbed eggs as far down the block as I could get them.  The first one was kinda week and went maybe four houses down.  The rest were much more successful and even set off a car alarm at one point.
I felt better.

During our moments of stress we tend to go back to what makes us feel safe and warm.

Sweet Sweet Chaos

After polishing off the sixth and a failed search for snacks it was time to turn in.  Before doing so one had to set an alibi.

I ran out to the truck and grabbed my backpack which seemed to be as dusty and untouched as the titanic.  I grabbed one of the textbooks and after taking the shrink wrap off I left it opened with an old notebook from last semester on the kitchen table.  How studious I was in their eyes.
If they only knew that they were sleeping a few yards away from the Flamingo-snatcher.

Shower
Brushing teeth
Sleep...