Moving slowly as quickly as possible.
Employing magical physics.
Arguing in contradictions
Making feeble efforts never had required so much strength. I t didn't feel like i was running backwards as much as it felt like I was taking part in motionless action.
Remaining positive always came easy at the small cost of having my sanity questioned.
So two of the crew had been arrested for trying to steal a Men at Work sign during their lunch break. After getting the full story it boiled down to them being bored and wanting to try sneaking around in plain sight. So now our group's intentions were not as much in question as our over all intelligence quotient. All we could think of was now who will our designated drivers be? We did not have bail money set aside in the budget yet, but this seemed like an excellent time to think of such things. That feeling of digging a hole in wet sand was all too familiar. Accounting was never a great strength of ours nor was forethought. Freagin' details!!!
So trying to convince the court that this was just a harmless prank was not as easy as when we discussed it on the ride over there. The fact that I could not find a pair of shoes to wear to court did not help us either. The guards at the metal detector did not seem very impressed with the multiple church keys on our key chains or the buckles plastered with beer logos we had to run through their machine. I was not aware that body piercings would set off the alarm that easily or that the guards would have to see them right then and there. So after our fifteen minute delay at the door and one of the guards suggesting deportation we were in.
The judge was on a roll till he saw us and the defendants approach. I was aware at how swift the law was being interpreted but was more amazed at how quickly it was being enforced. I am still not sure if we were even asked to enter a plea after one of our crew dropped a bag of skittles on the courtroom floor while the other made horny middle school faces at the court reporter. The more amazing part of the day is that we were not held in contempt of court. The judge could barely hold back the disdain in his voice when he set the bail at half a million and the court date as far out as the clerk's agenda would go. A few things were evident. Women do not like having tongues waggled at them at their place of employ, you should find the end of the bag of skittles that has the little scoring, flip flops are never dressy, and most of all we needed funding.
So he was an ex-marine turned hippie turned green peace warrior turned crazy old guy with a machine shop and lots of free time. All I knew is that this grey guy was the perfect fit and properly anesthetized to believe in the mission. In the end it did not take much more convincing and the deal was made when we mentioned sticking it to the man.
We solidified his membership over a case of Keystone and half a pizza...
Much like a penny racer we were off with no real direction but interesting to watch...
I hope that all of you have been enjoying this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it.
As promised Alien Burro is having its first giveaway!!!
We will be printing the first batch of Alien Burro Free the Flamingos shirts in the next couple of weeks. In order to get your name in the hat just become a follower. We will be picking three from the membership to receive the first run shirts with an authentic Alien Burro signature on New Year's Eve. Rumor has it that they will be worth two shirts someday...
Big Love for all of you and thank you for your support in this new endeavor!!!
RELEASE THE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Corporate Rodeo
Keeping it real via instant messenger...
Faded to make it look worn, or shabby chic.
Power to the low tech!!!
Today's Rugged individual would have been described as the out-doors type just a few decades ago. Have we really gone soft?
"Give me just a sec. I am getting a text", nomad in the SUV.
So many questions and doubts were flying around in my head and always came back to center...
Why the Pink?
Why not the Pink?
Could I do this?
Couldn't I do this?
Was I built for speed or comfort?
Doubt and worry have always been a part of our wiring. So many of us would just stop rebelling and feel defeated that when judging ourselves as sell outs. Does that really make sense? We are evolving. Not in the sense of growing a third arm or sprouting wings and an extra testicle, but in the sense of allowing our human ingenuity to make some activities obsolete. We should realize, however, that this does not absolve us from all physical activity but should bring us closer to making the most improvements with the least effort. Ideas so simple can complicate themselves before fruition if we allow ourselves to be influenced by others' view on failure.
So we ended up trading the borrowed goats for a case of Shiner and a free one day rental of a margarita machine and moon bounce at the Beeville Flea Market. That day was filled with celebration that further solidified the bonds. If these were the spoils of war then recruiting would be easier than we thought. Berzerkers didn't have it this good.
Eventually the sun set and the crowd thinned when the moon bounce and margarita machine were picked up. Only the core members and a half dozen or so of interested recruits remained. The group was turning into its own social event and could easily cover it's tracks with the most wonderful of alibis for our presence or absence from certain other happenings. Local Sheriffs' departments do not typically get alarmed by parties out in the country when a portion of their off duty staff is tacking part in the festivities. Freagin beautiful. It also helped the sense of purpose in some perverse way.
"So what's next?", asked the rosy-cheeked rancher.
"non-lethal tactics", smug Nesto.
The look of shock passed on the faces of all seated within ear shot and a quick explanation was definitely in order.
"We aren't trying to kill anyone but accidents do happen. Can any of us really afford to get thrown in for life? Not me! I saw this documentary the other night on crowd control used around the world"...
I could tell I was loosing them.
"How do you think they round up the hippies on college campuses when all hell breaks loose?"
In hind site this seemed like the flimsiest of arguments to be posing a group that was tasking itself with the release of Flamingos into the Wild of the Southern States...
The crowd accepted my argument and moved on to other topics like bull riding and real breasts vs. implants.
Can we really lose ourselves in an idea?
Can we lose ourselves in a series of events?
Achieving a goal is not always as easy to set out upon when the goal is unclear or changing as we go along. Was it freedom for these birds or anarchy that I wanted? Did it really matter as long as I kept moving forward?
I had to re-center the best way I knew of.
No one else was at the pool that early. Lane lines were up and the water was like liquid glass. I waded in and took a deep breath and pushed myself off of the wall. The feeling of the rushing water and air leaving my lungs was hypnotic. Four strokes, breath... Kind of like rinse and repeat it seemed like such a mindless and liberating action. For a small period of time all was in focus. Four more, breath... Where was I going with this? See the wall. Flip, spin, and push off. Bubbles and water rushing. After a half hour or so of this slow motion ballet everything was clear my mind sharp, my thoughts focused, and my shoulders burning...
The drive home from the gym was almost non-existent. I readied myself for the days ahead and had my coffee. I was the very definition of calm.
The day flew by and that night I dreamt of millions of the fuchsia-feathered wings taking flight.
The road ahead is still unmapped but the destination is clear.
Faded to make it look worn, or shabby chic.
Power to the low tech!!!
Today's Rugged individual would have been described as the out-doors type just a few decades ago. Have we really gone soft?
"Give me just a sec. I am getting a text", nomad in the SUV.
So many questions and doubts were flying around in my head and always came back to center...
Why the Pink?
Why not the Pink?
Could I do this?
Couldn't I do this?
Was I built for speed or comfort?
Doubt and worry have always been a part of our wiring. So many of us would just stop rebelling and feel defeated that when judging ourselves as sell outs. Does that really make sense? We are evolving. Not in the sense of growing a third arm or sprouting wings and an extra testicle, but in the sense of allowing our human ingenuity to make some activities obsolete. We should realize, however, that this does not absolve us from all physical activity but should bring us closer to making the most improvements with the least effort. Ideas so simple can complicate themselves before fruition if we allow ourselves to be influenced by others' view on failure.
So we ended up trading the borrowed goats for a case of Shiner and a free one day rental of a margarita machine and moon bounce at the Beeville Flea Market. That day was filled with celebration that further solidified the bonds. If these were the spoils of war then recruiting would be easier than we thought. Berzerkers didn't have it this good.
Eventually the sun set and the crowd thinned when the moon bounce and margarita machine were picked up. Only the core members and a half dozen or so of interested recruits remained. The group was turning into its own social event and could easily cover it's tracks with the most wonderful of alibis for our presence or absence from certain other happenings. Local Sheriffs' departments do not typically get alarmed by parties out in the country when a portion of their off duty staff is tacking part in the festivities. Freagin beautiful. It also helped the sense of purpose in some perverse way.
"So what's next?", asked the rosy-cheeked rancher.
"non-lethal tactics", smug Nesto.
The look of shock passed on the faces of all seated within ear shot and a quick explanation was definitely in order.
"We aren't trying to kill anyone but accidents do happen. Can any of us really afford to get thrown in for life? Not me! I saw this documentary the other night on crowd control used around the world"...
I could tell I was loosing them.
"How do you think they round up the hippies on college campuses when all hell breaks loose?"
In hind site this seemed like the flimsiest of arguments to be posing a group that was tasking itself with the release of Flamingos into the Wild of the Southern States...
The crowd accepted my argument and moved on to other topics like bull riding and real breasts vs. implants.
Can we really lose ourselves in an idea?
Can we lose ourselves in a series of events?
Achieving a goal is not always as easy to set out upon when the goal is unclear or changing as we go along. Was it freedom for these birds or anarchy that I wanted? Did it really matter as long as I kept moving forward?
I had to re-center the best way I knew of.
No one else was at the pool that early. Lane lines were up and the water was like liquid glass. I waded in and took a deep breath and pushed myself off of the wall. The feeling of the rushing water and air leaving my lungs was hypnotic. Four strokes, breath... Kind of like rinse and repeat it seemed like such a mindless and liberating action. For a small period of time all was in focus. Four more, breath... Where was I going with this? See the wall. Flip, spin, and push off. Bubbles and water rushing. After a half hour or so of this slow motion ballet everything was clear my mind sharp, my thoughts focused, and my shoulders burning...
The drive home from the gym was almost non-existent. I readied myself for the days ahead and had my coffee. I was the very definition of calm.
The day flew by and that night I dreamt of millions of the fuchsia-feathered wings taking flight.
The road ahead is still unmapped but the destination is clear.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Up the Pineapple Tree
Smoke screens do not work if you are driving in reverse.
All this talk about what height a bar should be set at is making me thirsty.
I swear there was a girl here...
Words to live by.
I guess I could have pushed myself a little harder but was I gonna really take myself seriously this time. Just the thought of some of the security guards I had seen trying to chase me was enough to make me want to get off of the treadmill and go grab a burger. So a little part of me was vane. Freagin sue me. Being at the gym was kind of a stretch for me. I mean I thought I looked good for a skinny kid with too much time on his hands. So I would go to the gym at ridiculously early hours and call it being dedicated when in fact I just didn't want anybody seeing how much or rather how little weight I lifted. I was not studious enough to be a nerd but not honest enough with myself to accept the label of Dork.
That morning was just like any other morning that month. Wake up when it was dark or rather just not go to sleep n the first place. Throw on some shorts and a shirt. Drive to the gym. I was starting to get bored with the routine. Maybe today I should vary it a little. I turned into a 24/7 diner I use to hang out at in high school. The menu and the smell had not changed. There was a huge difference that spooked me to say the least. About 90% of the clientele this morning was the local police department's finest.
Was I insane?
just my luck.
I asked for a table near the back as was the habit from long ago. While waiting for my pot of coffee and chicken-fried steak breakfast of champions I over heard the table of blue closest to me talking about a recent case and comparing it to an ongoing investigation surrounding the abduction of non other than Pinkey.
For sure my luck.
Who would have known that they counted the flock so often?
Needless to say that breakfast was done quickly and the bill paid on the way out.
Why was I so nervous? There was not even a sketch of the perpetrator.
Was I being followed?
This is where the paranoia sets in. I was questioning any and every little difference from one day to another. Like when you cheated on a test in school and just knew you would get caught but never did and woke up in a cold sweat after watching a detective show and dreaming that your DNA would be matched to that found on a napkin found at the scene of the alleged purchase of said test answers.
Get a grip Nesto! No need to answer those voices in your head.
There was no time for doubt.
Thank goodness for Tuesday night. Just the thing I needed to calm my nerves.
After the usual phone calls and ATM visit I arrived at the saloon to find my comrades elated to see me after three weeks of not showing. No questions were ever asked of where I had been or doing. Simple acceptance was the code. So I sat at the usual stool and sipped a can that should have been filled with motor oil based on its size. The usual had never tasted so good. After the mandatory two. More money was placed in the jukebox after turning it off to erase all previous selections. The bar seemed a little less crowded than usual and lent itself to more conversation. After a couple games of pool and a few of darts it was time to call it a night...
Once home it was time to take stock of what I was embarking on.
Like a lemming asking for directions from a sloth I was off.
So many questions aside from the usual why and when.
I needed to blow of steam and knew just the thing.
I did what any other normal human being would have done.
With a dozen eggs and a six pack I went into the backyard and lobbed eggs as far down the block as I could get them. The first one was kinda week and went maybe four houses down. The rest were much more successful and even set off a car alarm at one point.
I felt better.
During our moments of stress we tend to go back to what makes us feel safe and warm.
Sweet Sweet Chaos
After polishing off the sixth and a failed search for snacks it was time to turn in. Before doing so one had to set an alibi.
I ran out to the truck and grabbed my backpack which seemed to be as dusty and untouched as the titanic. I grabbed one of the textbooks and after taking the shrink wrap off I left it opened with an old notebook from last semester on the kitchen table. How studious I was in their eyes.
If they only knew that they were sleeping a few yards away from the Flamingo-snatcher.
Shower
Brushing teeth
Sleep...
All this talk about what height a bar should be set at is making me thirsty.
I swear there was a girl here...
Words to live by.
I guess I could have pushed myself a little harder but was I gonna really take myself seriously this time. Just the thought of some of the security guards I had seen trying to chase me was enough to make me want to get off of the treadmill and go grab a burger. So a little part of me was vane. Freagin sue me. Being at the gym was kind of a stretch for me. I mean I thought I looked good for a skinny kid with too much time on his hands. So I would go to the gym at ridiculously early hours and call it being dedicated when in fact I just didn't want anybody seeing how much or rather how little weight I lifted. I was not studious enough to be a nerd but not honest enough with myself to accept the label of Dork.
That morning was just like any other morning that month. Wake up when it was dark or rather just not go to sleep n the first place. Throw on some shorts and a shirt. Drive to the gym. I was starting to get bored with the routine. Maybe today I should vary it a little. I turned into a 24/7 diner I use to hang out at in high school. The menu and the smell had not changed. There was a huge difference that spooked me to say the least. About 90% of the clientele this morning was the local police department's finest.
Was I insane?
just my luck.
I asked for a table near the back as was the habit from long ago. While waiting for my pot of coffee and chicken-fried steak breakfast of champions I over heard the table of blue closest to me talking about a recent case and comparing it to an ongoing investigation surrounding the abduction of non other than Pinkey.
For sure my luck.
Who would have known that they counted the flock so often?
Needless to say that breakfast was done quickly and the bill paid on the way out.
Why was I so nervous? There was not even a sketch of the perpetrator.
Was I being followed?
This is where the paranoia sets in. I was questioning any and every little difference from one day to another. Like when you cheated on a test in school and just knew you would get caught but never did and woke up in a cold sweat after watching a detective show and dreaming that your DNA would be matched to that found on a napkin found at the scene of the alleged purchase of said test answers.
Get a grip Nesto! No need to answer those voices in your head.
There was no time for doubt.
Thank goodness for Tuesday night. Just the thing I needed to calm my nerves.
After the usual phone calls and ATM visit I arrived at the saloon to find my comrades elated to see me after three weeks of not showing. No questions were ever asked of where I had been or doing. Simple acceptance was the code. So I sat at the usual stool and sipped a can that should have been filled with motor oil based on its size. The usual had never tasted so good. After the mandatory two. More money was placed in the jukebox after turning it off to erase all previous selections. The bar seemed a little less crowded than usual and lent itself to more conversation. After a couple games of pool and a few of darts it was time to call it a night...
Once home it was time to take stock of what I was embarking on.
Like a lemming asking for directions from a sloth I was off.
So many questions aside from the usual why and when.
I needed to blow of steam and knew just the thing.
I did what any other normal human being would have done.
With a dozen eggs and a six pack I went into the backyard and lobbed eggs as far down the block as I could get them. The first one was kinda week and went maybe four houses down. The rest were much more successful and even set off a car alarm at one point.
I felt better.
During our moments of stress we tend to go back to what makes us feel safe and warm.
Sweet Sweet Chaos
After polishing off the sixth and a failed search for snacks it was time to turn in. Before doing so one had to set an alibi.
I ran out to the truck and grabbed my backpack which seemed to be as dusty and untouched as the titanic. I grabbed one of the textbooks and after taking the shrink wrap off I left it opened with an old notebook from last semester on the kitchen table. How studious I was in their eyes.
If they only knew that they were sleeping a few yards away from the Flamingo-snatcher.
Shower
Brushing teeth
Sleep...
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Teflon Glue
Putting your best foot forward should not be the only thing you do correctly each day...
There should be some degree of follow-through and consistency every once in a while.
So bad habits are not as easy to start as nervous ticks but I am sure they can be just as entertaining when taken totally out of context...
Is this the case?
So the following, although motley, was kind of impressive. So a large portion of those present could not remember exactly why they agreed, but that apparently did not stop them. This kind of blind devotion could only be appreciated by the military and large corporations. Not quite the cream of the crop but on our non-budget we could not be as picky.
After the initial four rounds of drinks our meeting could begin.
Again I was to motivate their continued allegiance by explaining why we were there. how was I to convince this many NRA members that setting something loose and not shooting it afterwards was a good and noble idea? I would have had an easier time convincing an old shipmate that he was in fact dancing with a woman in that bar in TJ. (She is just really muscular...)
Here goes nothing, again.
"The food chain. That's right the food chain", where was I going with this?
"We have a bunch of guys in suits sitting behind desks thinking that they can not only limit our second amendments rights, but flaunt a possible meal in our face while charging us admission to take our kids to look at what we are wondering how to bring down and what would the taste be. I say we teach them a lesson by freeing what we all know to be an unfit dish and bad eating. This will raise a few eyebrows and a little hell in the process." I was really glad no one was lucid enough to question the flimsiest of arguments I was somehow buying myself.
Oh well, I went for broke...
"Who here is with me? Those pansies won't know what hit em'"
Would you believe these guys cheered at this point?
They did and I could not have asked for a scarier group to have convinced. This was going to be interesting.
The next few weekends Where mainly about planning and trying not to draw too much attention to ourselves as well as keeping Pinky fed.
I did not want to become too formal in our association since this action was being driven by dreams and pension for chaos. All at once it dawned on me, what we needed was a dry run / completely insane gesture to know if we were all willing to follow through.
About two miles from the house in San Antonio there was a field whose owner had refused to sell to developers and just to further provoke them kept a large group of farrow goats on. I don't think I ever saw such a great opportunity for havoc.
After a long night of joyousness I thought it would be a good initiation and kind of a funny idea at the time to cause a little pandemonium. Once the gas station on the corner had closed and all the lights were out we saw our opportunity. We loaded up two pickups with anyone still able to walk and had our designated drivers drive up to the gates where our plan would soon unfold. The four of us jumped over the chain link fence with two short lengths of rope each and made a mad dash after the hoofed group.
Hog tying a goat is hard enough without throwing beer and whiskey into the mix but somehow each of us managed to get one a piece without getting too beat up and somehow managed a drunken fireman's carry of the squirming quarry to the gate where one of the trucks had already chained itself to and with a small push on the accelerator the gate was opened and two men and tow goats lurched into both of the waiting pickups. Sweet victory was on our faces as it seemed that we had pulled this off with no one noticing...
We were ready. The only question, what do we do with four goats on a Sunday morning?
You will not know how much you can stuff in your face till you have actually found out by biting off more than you can chew. Was I drinking from the fire hose or grabbing the bull by the horn? Either way I was ready for a fun ride..
There should be some degree of follow-through and consistency every once in a while.
So bad habits are not as easy to start as nervous ticks but I am sure they can be just as entertaining when taken totally out of context...
Is this the case?
So the following, although motley, was kind of impressive. So a large portion of those present could not remember exactly why they agreed, but that apparently did not stop them. This kind of blind devotion could only be appreciated by the military and large corporations. Not quite the cream of the crop but on our non-budget we could not be as picky.
After the initial four rounds of drinks our meeting could begin.
Again I was to motivate their continued allegiance by explaining why we were there. how was I to convince this many NRA members that setting something loose and not shooting it afterwards was a good and noble idea? I would have had an easier time convincing an old shipmate that he was in fact dancing with a woman in that bar in TJ. (She is just really muscular...)
Here goes nothing, again.
"The food chain. That's right the food chain", where was I going with this?
"We have a bunch of guys in suits sitting behind desks thinking that they can not only limit our second amendments rights, but flaunt a possible meal in our face while charging us admission to take our kids to look at what we are wondering how to bring down and what would the taste be. I say we teach them a lesson by freeing what we all know to be an unfit dish and bad eating. This will raise a few eyebrows and a little hell in the process." I was really glad no one was lucid enough to question the flimsiest of arguments I was somehow buying myself.
Oh well, I went for broke...
"Who here is with me? Those pansies won't know what hit em'"
Would you believe these guys cheered at this point?
They did and I could not have asked for a scarier group to have convinced. This was going to be interesting.
The next few weekends Where mainly about planning and trying not to draw too much attention to ourselves as well as keeping Pinky fed.
I did not want to become too formal in our association since this action was being driven by dreams and pension for chaos. All at once it dawned on me, what we needed was a dry run / completely insane gesture to know if we were all willing to follow through.
About two miles from the house in San Antonio there was a field whose owner had refused to sell to developers and just to further provoke them kept a large group of farrow goats on. I don't think I ever saw such a great opportunity for havoc.
After a long night of joyousness I thought it would be a good initiation and kind of a funny idea at the time to cause a little pandemonium. Once the gas station on the corner had closed and all the lights were out we saw our opportunity. We loaded up two pickups with anyone still able to walk and had our designated drivers drive up to the gates where our plan would soon unfold. The four of us jumped over the chain link fence with two short lengths of rope each and made a mad dash after the hoofed group.
Hog tying a goat is hard enough without throwing beer and whiskey into the mix but somehow each of us managed to get one a piece without getting too beat up and somehow managed a drunken fireman's carry of the squirming quarry to the gate where one of the trucks had already chained itself to and with a small push on the accelerator the gate was opened and two men and tow goats lurched into both of the waiting pickups. Sweet victory was on our faces as it seemed that we had pulled this off with no one noticing...
We were ready. The only question, what do we do with four goats on a Sunday morning?
You will not know how much you can stuff in your face till you have actually found out by biting off more than you can chew. Was I drinking from the fire hose or grabbing the bull by the horn? Either way I was ready for a fun ride..
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