Transparent Blindfold

Christmas light etiquette...
Unwashed masses hysteria...

Wishing for the last slice of pizza and getting the crust.  That is what it felt like.
A big freagin joke.  To what degree are we holding ourselves to unrealistic criteria.  Just striving to fit into some mold whose maker had long since forgotten.

What are we really trying to do?
Where are we going?
and how the hell do you lose a shoe at a bar?

Most things are unimpressive and the precious others just seem tainted some how.  Everything seemed to be falling into some strange machine like rhythm.  It was like all the flavor had been chewed out of the bubble gum and only the action of blowing the fleeting bubble remained as its sole purpose.  How and when did things get this scripted?
I thought we were trying to bring about some glorious anarchy just to get those in charge to scratch their heads and wonder when they lost touch.  Instead we were turning into this side show act that persons would travel to see just as quickly as they would watch a sports accident on instant replay.

We needed to shake things up again and knew how to do it.

The Scavenger Hunt of the Damned...

1) Port'o Pottie
2) Ronald Statue
3) Exchange Student


One night.  The only prize:  Bragging Rights.  It could happen.
So we broke into five teams of two.

The rancher and I had the edge as we already had access to one of the items so we decided to let the other teams have a sporting chance and agreed to give them a three hour head start and discuss strategy over beers.

We were in the middle of discussing how many words rhyme with stunt when we got the phone call.  The first two teams had already gotten the first item and trying to find a school directory to get the address to the nearest third item.
Our item three was busy learning the nuances of the American version of English with our rhyming game and could hold his own at quarters.  Freagin Aussie was like a big Texan and fit right in when it came to raising a little Cain.  I guess it could have been considered cheating but Bill wouldn't let us near the girl from Germany again as we had already ruined his chances of ever going out with her again.

I guess we could get started

The truck was already warmed up and our goals were easy.  The tilt trailer was hooked up and we were on our way.  The first stop was the baseball stadium just behind the neighborhood.

The trick was to figure out which one had been most recently cleaned.  After the customary game of paper, rock, scissors it was decided that I would do the inspecting.
After some gagging our target was set and the chains securely wrapped around it.  The winch screeched to life and we were in business.  This was too easy I thought when it happened.

Apparently no amount of planning could get one ready to react to this type of situation.  Just as the throne was sliding towards the tilt trailer it got stuck on a ripple in the asphalt of the walking trail and flipped almost completely over as the chains slid up to almost the top of the plastic cubicle.  The entire trailer was now covered in what could only be described as industrial smurf poo.  We all managed to dodge the odor causing agents to discover that stealth was no longer our friend.  We managed to pull it the rest of the way onto the trailer by hand using the still attached chain while tucking our mouths and noses into the tops of our shirts.  We looked like a cross between ninjas  and stall mucks.  The most amazing part was that no one even noticed.  No lights went on.  There was just this erie silence.  The kind of quiet you get when you ask a fluffy individual if they are expecting or when you find out your neighbors door looks a lot like your own at three in the morning.

Two down one to go...

Our friend wearing big red shoes was standing there waving and smiling like he had always been as long as any of us could remember.  I had lost track of how many dreams that face had turned into nightmares during my childhood.  This was what I was considered pay back.  I volunteered to jump the fence and did so as gracefully as possible at that point of the evening.  Luckily I felt no pain when I ran head first into the three horse carousel.

This was going to be difficult.  The bolts at the base were too wide for any wrench I could carry and no pry bar could be fit between the weld marks.  It was clear that caveman tactics would have to be employed and we would be the opposite of subtle.  I was passed the chain under the fence and was able to get two loops around our friend it what must have been record time if ever it had been previously measured.  once secured to the truck and my narrow tail was back in the bed the signal was given and with a huge roar and crash we were off towing our yellow clad friend behind us sparking and clanging the whole way home.  We had done it and no other teams had finished this last part.  After arriving at our destination we had the chance to inspect the fruits of our labors to discover that we had only managed to relocate 95% of our red-afro'd

Later the next evening as I lay my soaked brain onto my pillow a grin quickly began to spread.
It was official.  We were back in business.
and business was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!


I would like to take a quick moment to thank all who have followed the story so far and especially to our winners.  You know who you are.  We will be printing the shirts later this week and will email you when they are in route...